Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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