I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
