I just made out with a guy for $7.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
