do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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