My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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