You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
