I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
