She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
