no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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