I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
