last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
