toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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