I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
