I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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