Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
