Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
