Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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