True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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