I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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