I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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