I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
