Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
