He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
