my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
my liver is dry heaving
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
