Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
