Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
