I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
