I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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