The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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