I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
