Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize