After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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