Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
