I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize