remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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