Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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