It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
