Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize