i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
whose ass print is on the piano?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize