my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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