i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
