I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
no more duck duck goose at the bar
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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