why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
