My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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