definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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