So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
