I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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