i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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