I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
