Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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