dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
