maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
