i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
