so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
