I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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