No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
