i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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