where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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