Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
