this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
