It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
