Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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