just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
