Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
