he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
