I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
