Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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