we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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