The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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